"One, Two, Three" Ostler

Several weeks ago I ran into a good a friend of mine whom I knew before my mission.  He lives in Sugar City, which is Rexburg’s next-door neighbor, so his family is close by (that information is important in a few sentences).  After some chitchat the subject turned to our social life.  Dispite his family being close by, I thought he would still hang out with a lot of his friends.  But he surprised me.  “You know,” he said, “I don’t really hang out with anyone.” 

Wait what?  But you’re soooo likable and friendly!  Why not?

“I usually just go over to my cousin’s apartment, or hang out with my brother when he comes into town,” he continued, “And I’m okay with that.”  He wasn’t ashamed of being with family more than friends, in fact he preferred it. 

To tell you the truth I only kind of understood why he preferred family to friends.  I soon came to realize what he meant though.

That weekend I left on a jet plane from Rexburg to Tri-Cities, not realizing how hard it was going to be for me to come back again.

At the airport my family greeted me, including Jackson.  I could not only see his big smile, but I felt it in my heart.  It had been a little over two years since we had said good-bye.  Our means of communication had been e-mails.  His Spanglish, misspelled words often strengthened me on my mission, especially in those times when I was going through a refiners fire.  It was a Celestial reunion as Jackson and I joined in an RM hug (don’t ask me what that is, I made it up). 

The minute our family got in the car to go home the fun began!

(Side Note: Two of my dad’s brothers and their families came to Tri-Cities that weekend.  It was a mini-Ostler Reunion.  So we had a house FULL of Ostlers!)

As Jackson finished family prayer in Spanish our first night together I instinctively put my hand in the middle of the circle (a tradition that was started by one of my roommates) and told everyone to follow suit.  There were eighteen Ostler hand’s stacked on top of one another, like a lopsided card tower that was about to fall over.  “On the count of three we’re all going to say ‘Ostler,’” I said, “One, two, three,”

“OSTLER!”

Jackson playing Bonce Ball

Benson about to score a point...I think

That weekend the girls were to be found on the balcony watching the boys run themselves into the ground playing soccer and Bonce Ball. I could feel the loving competition as Tyler and Ben (both soccer players) faced each other in a battle over the ball (they really wanted to kill each other), and the slight annoyance from everyone else when Wilson, for the second time in one game, lay in a curled up ball on the ground, acting as if he was going to die because an evil someone had hit him with the ball. 

As the weekend rolled lazily on I found odd pleasure in my brothers annoying me, and great laughter in watching Grandpa lay down next to Grandma’s grave and announce, “This is where I’m going to be buried!”  Oh Gramps!  I felt peace and awe as Uncle Lee and Grandpa told us about memories of Grandma and how she was a woman of strength, courage, and faith.  She raised seven children, and made sure her boys received their Eagles and served faithful missions, as well as help all of her children gain testimonies that led to temple marriages. 

In the Celestial Room in the Columbia River Temple I tasted just a little bit of the joy that will be felt in the eternities, when those who were endowed gathered together in quiet and reverent laughter as we enjoyed each other’s love. 

The Ostler crowd isn’t your normal family (although someone define for me what a normal family is, PLEASE!).  In our family it’s not uncommon for my nineteen year-old cousin to be telling me how good looking he is, my uncles to be wrestling on the floor like fourteen year old boys, the teenage boys shaking their hips like girls to 80’s music, and for all of us to be teasing each other until the sun comes up…that’s when we all go to bed. 

How grateful I am that I am sealed to my family for eternity.  I never ever have to wonder if I will see them again.  For eternity I can enjoy their laughter, their teasing, and all the pleasantly awkward moments that arise at the dinner table and elsewhere. 

I now realized why my friend loves to be with his family.  There is such joy that comes from being with those you will be with forever.  No family is perfect, nor is it meant to be in this life.  But with our families we are meant to have joy.  That is the truth my friend knew, and I discovered.

The day we visited our grandmother’s grave we all put our hands above her headstone.

“One, Two, Three”

“OSTLER!”  

Forever.

For more information on families:

The Family: A Proclamation to the World

The Importance of the Family

Strengthening Families

Beauty and Laughter

“[E]very life has peaks and shadows and times when it seems that the birds don’t sing, and the bells don’t ring.”

The stage was dark.  I could make out a group of dancers kneeling together on left stage.  A loud note sounded, and the lights on the stage came on dimly while a dancer jumped over the kneeling group.  All the dancers were dressed in black, with bits of shinny fabric that looked like shards of glass, woven into their shirts.  They glinted off the lights as the dancers’ movements became sharp and aggressive.  It was almost like a jazz style of hip-hop.  Their faces looked as if they were in spiritual pain—they were miserable and lost.

 “Yet in spite of discouragement and adversity, those who are happiest seem to have a way of learning from difficult times, becoming stronger, wiser, and happier as a result.”

As the dance progressed, I pushed my back into my seat, hoping that the dancers pain wouldn’t flow into my heart.  Didn’t the choreographer know that the name of this program was “Beauty and Laughter”?  This dance was not portraying Beauty or Laughter.  It made me think of all those people in the world who didn’t understand why hard times happen—they didn’t understand the purpose of life. 

Gradually the music changed.  It wasn’t loud and sharp; there were now violins, cellos, and flutes, slowly filling the air with hope. The dancers stopped making aggressive movements.  They quizzically looked at one another, at their hands, at their surroundings.  Their dancing became more fluid and beautiful.  The sparkles woven into their black shirts glinting in the stage lights.  The dancers were coming to understand that there was hope in this life full of pain and suffering.  I soon realized that this dance was about redemption. 

“Adversity, if handled correctly, can be a blessing in our lives . . . We can say, as did my mother, ‘Come what may, and love it.’” ~ Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin

This semester Extravadance (the dance company at BYU-Idaho) preformed dances about the Beauty and Laughter seen in the world. 

There is Beauty all around us, each and everyday.  Everyone finds it in different ways.  Some find Beauty in the regal mountains, some in song, some in work, others in family.  Despite all these things God has given us, there is still pain and suffering in our lives.

The other day I was having a hard time.  I didn’t know what Heavenly Father wanted me to do with my life.  My future was foggy.  I couldn’t even see past the end of the month.

As I sat at the edge of my bed contemplating certain events that had taken place in my life, a peaceful feeling lightly touched my heart.  I knew that Heavenly Father was there, and that He was aware of me.  He would guide my life in the way it needed to go.  My attitude of “Come what may and love it” changed my perspective.

“There is beauty and clarity that comes from simplicity that we sometimes do not appreciate in our thirst for intricate solutions.” ~Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf

As I sat in my seat at Extravadance, I glanced down at my program finding the name of the last dance, “Beauty and Laughter” by: Mormon Tabernacle Choir. 

That’s weird, I thought.  I didn’t know that they had a song called that.

As the opening chords sounded I recognized the song, as “This is the Christ.”  As I watched the dancers, all dressed in white, move gracefully across the stage, I noticed that each was happy to be alive—to be dancing.   I realized this last dance summed up what all the other dances were portraying—that Christ was the reason we have Beauty and Laughter.  If it were not for His Atonement, Death, and Resurrection, then we would not have life.  We would be experiencing the hopeless nothingness that the dancers dressed in black had experienced.  But because of Him we can feel that gentle peace in our hearts when our future seems foggy, when friends abandon us, when loved ones are lost, and when children go astray.

This is the Christ, the holy Son of God,

Our Savior, Lord, Redeemer of mankind.

This is the Christ, the healer of our souls

Who ransomed us with love divine.

Christ is my Beauty and Laughter

Dancing in the Rain

Sitting in the exam room at the orthopedics office I stared up at the off-white ceiling, trying not to think of the gentle pain pulsing through my ankle.  I knew what the doctor was going to say when he walked in, “Your leg is still broken, and you’ll have to stay in The Boot for six more weeks.”  Well there goes my summer! 

Seven weeks ago I was sentenced to life in a walking boot in order for my stress fracture to heal.  Okay, not life, it was only six weeks, but still....  For once I walked slowly, a feat most of my mission companions couldn’t even imagine.  I didn’t go dancing, or running.  My exercise consisted of Pilates in the mornings.  (I became so tired of Pilates that I was tempted not to do them). 

Though I had to admit life in The Boot did have its perks.  It was a great conversation starter.  Many people, more than half of whom were males, would ask what had happened.  I became great at telling them the quick story then moving onto more important matters, like his name, and if he wanted to take me on a date.  Okay, I actually didn’t ask them out, but I did make a lot of friends, and I swear if it wasn’t for The Boot I wouldn’t have gotten some of the dates that I did.

*Note to self: if your lacking on dates, put The Boot on. 

Despite this I was tired of wearing The Boot.  I wanted to run, jump, and play.  Most of all I wanted to dance.  I had been hoping and praying that my leg would heal.  I knew that Heavenly Father was listening, but whether or not He would answer my pleas was a different question.  Maybe I still needed to learn a life lesson. 

I was supposed to take off The Boot on June 1^st, but alas, I was still in pain!  That’s how I ended up at the orthopedics office. 

After the looking at the x-ray, the doctor came in.  I prepared myself for the worse.

“Well Amanda,” he said, “your bone looks healed up.  I saw where the break was, and it healed over nicely.” 

Wait what?

Really! 

Oh my flip!

It took about fifteen minutes for the truth to really sink in.  When it did I cranked up Hillary Weeks, and we both jammed our hearts out on the car ride home. 

I invited my worries to step aside

I needed room to see in front of me

As the raindrops fell on my overcoat

 I let them roll right off of my back

I waited for the rainbow

Cuz me and heaven, we both know

This storm is gonna pass.

And I danced in the rain

I let my dreams know I hadn’t forget them

I let my heart take the lead

And I told my hopes to get themselves up again

And I danced (to the music of the day)

I looked (for the blue above the gray)

Yes I danced

In

the

rain.                                                                       

(Hillary Weeks “Dancing In The Rain”)

One of the best parts about not wearing The Boot is that I get to wear two shoes!  How thankful I am for Heavenly Father answering mine and other’s prayers in behalf of my leg healing.  I am Living Proof that He hears and answers the prayers of His children. 

And you better believe I’ll be out dancing!

Reflecting on Times Past with T.S. Eliot

This semester I was privileged, yes privileged, to take a T.S. Eliot class from Brother Samuelson.  It was a block class, which means that it’s finals time for Mr. Eliot!  For our final project we could anything we wanted.  We just had to incorporate our interpretation of T.S. Eliot’s poetry or drama. 

In one class it was stated that T. S. Eliot didn’t want people to put concrete things to his writing.  He wanted readers to interpret his poetry with their lives in mind. 

This brought peace to my soul, because when I was reading The Four Quartets I couldn’t help but apply what Eliot was saying to my own life.  For my final project I took lines and stanzas from The Four Quartets (a collection of four poems) that stuck out to me, and identified a time in my life when I experienced or learned the lesson that Eliot expressed in his poem.  What happened was a blend of personal stories from my mission in Chicago, Illinois.  The Four Quartets are woven into each story to create a beautiful melody of experiences and changes that took place to me while I was serving the Lord.

This is my favorite part from my stories.  It’s about my thoughts and feelings from my last Sunday in Illinois.  The excerpts are from The Dry Salvage, the third poem in the collection. 

Standing in warm March night air I realized my mission wasn’t what I thought it was going to be a year and a half ago.  I thought I’d be solitarily helping other people.  I thought I wouldn’t change at all. 

But I was wrong. 

We had the experience but missed the meaning

For one and a half years I had thought that I was there for others, when in reality I was there so Heavenly Father could make me into the woman that He needed me to be.

And approach to the meaning restores the experience

He needed me to be a mother possessing patience and love.

He needed me to be a woman of acceptance, of compassion, of service. 

The only way that that was possible was through the experience of my mission. 

In a different form, beyond any meaning,

We can assign to happiness.