It was a scary and exciting moment when Chris and I found
out we would be parents.
The feeling I was pregnant wouldn’t leave me for a week and
a half. So one morning before work I
took a pregnancy test. I kept looking at
the two pink lines that had appeared in the little screen thinking it was
broken and not 100% sure I wanted those two pink lines to be telling the truth. It was still a few months before Chris and I
had planned on starting a family, plus I didn’t feel prepared to be a mom. I barely knew how to be a wife! For the next few days the thought of a
possible embryo growing inside me was constantly in the back of my mind.
This “possible embryo” turned into a “real embryo” before I
saw the black and white ultra sound. When
I started to get sick I began to come to terms that the embryo wasn’t something
the pregnancy test made up. The entire
month of June and well into July I couldn’t keep my breakfast down, all I did
was lay around the house when I wasn’t at work, and I ate very little, well
compared to what I used to eat.
It took Chris a little longer to believe the embryo was
real. That’s probably because he wasn’t
the one throwing up at least once a day.
Within a week and a half I lost three pounds, which wasn’t a
big deal, but still scared me. If I kept
throwing up the way I was, would my little baby get any nutrition? The answer was yes. The throwing up subsided over time (although
at 16½ weeks I’m still throwing up about three times a week), and I’m slowly
beginning to eat larger portions of food. At my last appointment the midwife said that
my baby was growing. “So we know it’s
getting the nutrition it needs even if you’re not,” she said.
Motherhood Lesson #1:
You always sacrifice yourself for your child.
I have an A+ in that right now, not that I have a choice.
When I first saw the black and white ultra sound I didn’t
really know what to look for. The ultra
sound tech said our baby would look like a gummy bear (this was at eight
weeks). She was right. And that little gummy bear was Chris’s and
mine. It was extremely hard to believe
the little baby we saw on the screen was ours, though exciting at the same
time. Chris later told me he almost
cried when he saw it. Every time we go
in for a regular check-up and hear our baby’s fast, little heartbeat Chris
tears up. I can tell he’s excited to be
a dad.
For me the joy of becoming a mother is diminished slightly
by the fact that frankly I don’t like being pregnant at times. I’m sure Chris is tired of me saying, “I hate
being pregnant” after I throw up, or some unexpected but completely normal pregnancy
symptom randomly decides to pop up right before bed. I also worry about taking care of a
newborn. I’ve heard about the sleepless
nights, and the babies who cry and cry and cry, and you don’t know what to do
to make them stop. I wonder if I’ll know
what to do in those situations or even how to raise a child.
Despite these worries, I have sometimes felt this is the
right time for a child to come into our family.
I am the vessel to bring a Spirit Child of our Heavenly Father’s into
the world. The Lord has trusted me, a
human being who makes mistakes, who isn’t the most patient person in the world,
and who is lactose intolerant (which means my child will never know what
home-made lasagna tastes like unless Grandma Christensen or Uncle Jefferson
makes it for them J). Nevertheless, the Lord is permitting me to
carry, bare, and raise one of his children.
This thought humbles and scares me.
I have heard of the joys of motherhood from my friends and hold onto
that when worries start to come into my mind.
And just for your information Chris and I will be welcoming
our son or daughter into our family on January 26, 2014.
