Sunday, June 5, 2016

How to Make Creamy Potty Training Asparagus Garlic Yay You Did It Soup!

 Ingredients
1 lb Asparagus
1 head of garlic
2 tbls olive oil
1 medium onion chopped
1 big girl potty
1 ¼ plus 1/8 tsp kosher salt
2 cups Milk
¼ cup Flour
A bag of Candy
Lots of toilet paper
3 oz cream cheese
2 tbls butter
4 cups chickin broth
The Potty Dance

Directions:
1.     Place potty in area of general play
2.     Watch toddler like a hawk
3.     While watching toddler peel off papery outside of garlic while keeping whole head intact.
4.     Express frustration that head is not staying together while attempting to calm your baby.
5.     Give up on the fact that head isn’t staying together, just pour some olive oil, salt, and pepper over it, wrap it in tin foil and stick it in the oven. 
6.     Snap off tough ends of asparagus and place on baking sheet.
7.     Inquire of toddler if she has to go to the bathroom. 
8.     Get ignored.
9.     Notice that asparagus stalks are little old.  Well they are getting blended anyway, so oh well!
10. Take garlic out of oven, place on baking sheet with asparagus and put the whole thing back in the oven. 
11. Check directions again to make sure I read that right. 
12. Chop onion and place in pot with unknown amount of olive oil.
13. Place cream cheese in blender with salt.
14. Reply to toddler that yes, she can help pour ingredients in blender.
15. Stir onions so they don’t burn
16. Instead of letting her do it, quickly pour milk and flour in blender.  You just don’t want to deal with the mess right now. 
17. Turn blender on.
18. Listen to baby whimper. 
19. Poor milk mixture into pot with onions.  Stir constantly.
20. Turn heat higher because it isn’t getting to a boil fast enough, and I’m really hungry!
21. Yay!  It’s boiling!  Cover with lid and turn down heat.
22. Hear from the living room, “Mommy, I have to pee!”
23. Run to living room, lift toddler on toilet just in time.
24. Celebrate with toddler her accomplishment of peeing in the toilet.  Meanwhile forget about your rue that’s boiling over and filling the kitchen with a hint of smoke. 
25. Wipe toddler’s bum.
26. Pour waste into toilet, flush, rinse out potty bowl, replace.
27. Wash hands.
28. Grab a few M&M’s and a sucker while turning heat on soup down. 
29. Give M&M’s to toddler and do the Potty Dance. (This consists of clapping and turning around in a circle singing “yaaaay!” Over and over again).
30. Turn burner down even more because soup is continuing to boil over.
31. Remove asparagus and garlic from oven. 
32. Figure out how to get garlic out of papery skin, because even though the recipe says to use hands to squeeze garlic out, the garlic is too hot to handle.
33. Place all ingredients in blender in two batches and cream in blender.
34. Listen to baby scream while saying, “Joseph, it’s okay.  Mommy’s here.” 
35. Pour soup back in pot.
36. Pick up baby
37. Now what am I going to feed my toddler since she won’t eat this soup?  Wait, she has a bag of candy, and a sucker, she’s fine.
38. Taste soup.
39. Oh my goodness!  I just stepped into a cafĂ© and am having their soup of the day! 
40. Go back for seconds, but am stopped by two unhappy children—naptime. 

And this is how you make one delicious potty-training soup!

*If you want the actual recipe for Creamy Roasted Garlic and Asparagus Soup, it is in Our Best Bites:Savoring the Seasons, which is one of the BEST cookbooks there is.  I would highly recommend getting it.  (And no, I am not being paid, or asked to say this).