I'd Rather Be A Mom

The priesthood has always been essential in my life. 

The first time I remember asking my father for a blessing was after an American’s hockey game.  I was about eight years old.  My eyes were so goopy I couldn’t see out of them.  Our neighbor came over and helped my dad give me a priesthood blessing.  The next morning I could see again!  Looking back I realize my eyes would have probably cleared up if I hadn’t received a blessing.  However, as an eight-year old my faith in the priesthood had been strengthened. 

When I was nineteen years old I was having major young adult issues over Thanksgiving break.  When I arrived home for the break I asked my dad for a blessing.  He gave me a blessing of comfort.  I knew that though everything may not turn out the way I wanted it to at the time, it would eventually be okay.  The next month was a rocky one as I navigated my way through life and sought answers from the Lord.  Though life continued to be hard for a few months I saw blessing arise out of the situation.  In those months of uncertainty and pain, it was the words of a priesthood blessing that saw me through in one piece.

On my mission I was infected with an extremely bad and painful sinus infection that even antibiotics didn’t chase away.  The doctor wouldn’t give me any more antibiotics, saying I had to wait at least five weeks.  There was no way I could physically do the work of a missionary with my sinus infection.  My faithful companion advised me to receive a blessing.  I struggled with that at first.  I had only ever received blessings from men whom I had known very well.  I felt insecure asking an elder whom I had only met twice for a blessing.  In addition, did I really believe a blessing could heal me?  For several hours I thought about it.  I finally told my companion to go ahead and call the elder.  Later that day he gave me one of the most powerful blessings I had ever received.  He addressed some of the worries I had had about missionary life and my personal life that I had only told my companion about.  I was emotionally healed that day.  Several days later I was physically healed.

After giving birth to Lilly I suffered from many post-partum problems.  I asked my husband for a blessing.  Though I still struggle with several of those problems, I know that because of the blessing I have become stronger and am able to slowly overcome the challenges I am facing.

In addition to receiving many blessing throughout my life, the priesthood has blessed me in other ways.  Each week I partake of the sacrament, which is blessed by the priesthood.  I was baptized and sealed by the authority of the priesthood.   I have faithful home teachers who fulfill their priesthood duties each month by visiting my family, becoming our friends, and making sure we are doing okay.  I have had wonderful bishops whom I’ve sat in counsel with as I’ve struggled through teenage years, prepared for a mission, and prepared for marriage.

As a woman I have never once wondered why I am not able to hold the priesthood. Today there are women who feel entitled to hold the priesthood and are petitioning church leaders to allow them to be ordained to the priesthood, obtaining priesthood responsibilities. 

Though the priesthood has blessed my life, the priesthood is not for me.  Each time I asked for a blessing the brethren who gave the blessing were fulfilling their roles as priesthood holders.  As men and women we each have different roles and I know my role is not to hold the priesthood.  My role is to support the priesthood in my home.  As the patriarch of our home, Chris makes the major decisions pertaining to our family.  He clearly understands this.  Further, he clearly understands that before making a decision he needs to counsel with his wife (me).  The other day he was talking to me about a decision he had to make.  I felt in my heart that whatever decision he would make would be beneficial to our family. He would not lead our family astray, so to speak. 

I personally have too many other things to worry about without having the responsibilities Chris has.  I have to worry about getting rid of Lilly’s diaper rash, feeding her 6-8 times a day, making sure Chris eats at least one thing during the day, doing the laundry, making sure you can at least see the floor from time to time in our apartment, and figuring out what in the world is wrong with Lilly when she’s bawling her eyes out, among other things.  I don’t want the responsibility of providing for the family, making major decisions that will affect this family’s future, going to endless priesthood meetings, on top of all the other duties I preform as the matriarch. 

In addition to not wanting the responsibilities of the priesthood, I understand that Chris and I both can’t have the priesthood.  It wouldn’t work.  He has the priesthood, and I have motherhood.  He is the patriarch and I am the matriarch.  They fit together like puzzle pieces.  He is to preside and protect, while I am to nurture and be a homemaker.  If we were both supposed to provide and protect it would be like this…

And who would be there to nurture and be a homemaker?

I want my home to be like puzzle pieces that fit.

When women say they want the priesthood they are essentially saying they don’t want the gift and role of motherhood.  They want the role of a man instead.  That’s understandable.  Look at the world.  Women are demanding the same pay as men. They are demanding the same jobs as men, and the same privileges.  I 100 percent agree with equality for women. What some people don’t understand is that men and women are equal in the church even if we don’t have the same responsibilities.

You never hear about the boys in the Church wanting the woman’s job.  “I just want to stay at home all day, wipe poopy booties, do the never-ending pile of laundry and dishes, coordinate six different schedules, make sure dinner is ready in between everyone’s schedule, break up fights, make sure homework is done, chores are completed, and ‘Yes Evan can go to Billy’s house if he’s nice to his brother today,’ said no man ever.  Well at least the men I’ve known.  They are happy with their role in the home and in the church.  So why can’t women be happy with theirs without wanting more? 

Though a mother’s job is extremely hard and demanding, it is so rewarding.  Though Lilly is only two months old I have been there everyday of her life.  I was there when she first smiled, when she rolled over on her side.  I helped give her, her first bath.  I’ll be there when she laughs for real for the first time, when she sits up, when she crawls, when she walks, when she talks.  Mothers have a special connection with their children fathers don’t have.  In our house we call it Mommy Powers.  I wouldn’t give up my Mommy Powers for the priesthood.

I believe men have a special connection to their children women don’t have.  This connection comes through the priesthood. 

The first time Chris used the priesthood to directly bless Lilly was when he gave her a name and a blessing in church.  The blessing he gave was powerful.  After the blessing he held Lilly and looked at her for a long time.  A connection was passing between father and daughter.  I knew it was because of the power of the priesthood that Chris felt that connection with our daughter.  He had just given her a powerful blessing—receiving revelation for her that would guide her throughout her life.  This was something that I would never experience. I was not jealous at all.  I had felt this connection before with my own father. 

Chris, Lilly, and I on Lilly's blessing day.  

Those women who want the priesthood can go ahead and want it all they want.  They will most likely never get it, because it isn’t a policy issue, its doctrine.  But the priesthood is not for me.  I’d rather be a mom.