“Judge not, that ye be not judged.” Matt 7:1
Perhaps I’m over-reacting, but I’ve seen some eyebrows go
up, and felt people thinking, “Well aren’t you a weird one,” when I’ve told them
about things I’ve planned for my pregnancy, and labor and delivery. I know I don’t need to explain anything to
anyone, but you know what? I feel like doing just that. Hopefully next time someone tells you
something they are doing during pregnancy and/or labor, you aren’t the ones
with risen eyebrows wondering where this freak came from.
“I don’t know how you do it!” and “You are so brave!” are
two responses I frequently get when I tell people we didn’t find out what we are
having.
Why didn’t I find out?
That’s simple. I LOVE surprises.
I will admit the week leading up to our 20 week ultra-sound
I teetered on finding out if we were going to have a son or daughter. However, in the end I knew I wanted to be
surprised.
Some people, though they didn’t say it out right and I don’t
remember who they were, weren’t happy with me when I told them we weren’t
finding out. “We don’t know what to buy
you then!” was one of their complaints. The
answer I was thinking but did not voice was, “Well it’s my pregnancy and my
baby, not yours.” I know I can be a
little mean. However, I’ve always wanted
the gender of my baby to be a surprise.
I don’t want to let someone else’s complaints get in the way of one of
the few things I can control during
pregnancy.
The one comment that got me the most was when people would
tell me I was so brave for not finding out.
(It’s not like I tight roped across the Grand Canyon. I’m just being surprised). “I would have to know,” they say, “So I can
prepare.” Honestly I don’t think I’m
brave. I think of the millions of women
who had babies before ultra-sound was invented.
They had no way of knowing what they were having, therefore, having no
way of “preparing” for a little boy or little girl. Honestly I think you take care of a baby girl
the same way you take care of a baby boy.
You feed them, you change them, you bathe them, you get up and hold them
for hours on end in the middle of the night when they cry, and you love them. Do you need to know the gender to prepare for
that? Personally, I don’t.
As for finding them gender appropriate clothes? Wal-Mart has none. We’ve already looked. Admittedly, we don’t have many clothes for the
baby, and only have one blanket as of now.
Good thing this is the first grandchild on both sides, and first great
grandchild on three sides, so I’m sure this baby will get spoiled. Plus I think Chris will have fun shopping for
his new kid. I’ll be excited to see what
he brings home. (Life with Chris is
always an adventure!)
One of my favorite questions I get asked is, “Well what do
you think it is?” What I’ve wanted to
say so bad for about a month is, “I know it’s not a kitten, but I hope it’s a
puppy.” I honestly have no idea what I’m having.
The thing that gets me is when people get a fleeting
offended look on their face when I tell them we aren’t telling anyone the names we have picked out for
our baby. There is no need to be
offended. Our own parents don’t even
know what their grandchild’s name is going to be.
I have a friend who, a year ago, had a baby boy. When I asked what they were going to name him
she told me they weren’t telling anyone until after he was born. At first I was kind of weired out. I was
the one with raised eyebrows. She then
told me most people have an opinion on the name before the baby is born. But after the baby is born, it’s named and the
birth certificate signed, no one can have
an opinion at that point. The more I
thought about this, the more it made sense.
When we first found out we were expecting I ran this idea by my husband. He agreed.
I have liked not telling people what we are going to name
our child, purely because it’s one less opinion I have to hear about.
Of all the friends I’ve talked to since getting pregnant
only one of them is, or has done, a natural birth. When I tell people I want to give birth with
no medication some of them will honestly look at me as if I told them I wanted
to give birth in a desert with no medical help.
When this look passes over their faces I think, “Well it’s no different
than when our grandparents, and even some of our parents gave birth. If they could do it, why can’t I?” According to my recent research, epidurals
didn’t become available until the 1960s and 1970s. And it wasn’t until the 1990s that anesthetic
care became the common practice in
developed countries.
So since epidurals are a common practice in the 21st
century, why am I preparing for a natural birth?
I grew up with a mom who gave birth naturally to five of her
seven children. She always talked about
how painful it was, but how much better she felt after giving birth. She told me her natural endorphins kicked in
right away, she forgot about the pain, and all she wanted to do was nurture her
baby. “And I could get up and walk around
almost immediately afterward,” she said.
“When I had the epidurals I couldn’t get up for several hours after I
gave birth, and I felt drugged up.”
I’m not basing my decision purely off my mom. I’ve read many accounts of women who have
given birth both naturally and with an epidural. Nearly every single one of them said they
preferred the natural birth. They could
feel the baby moving inside of them.
Instead of a doctor telling them when the baby was ready to come out, or
when to push, their own body was telling them when it was time. Personally, I’d rather listen to my own body
than a doctor who is only looking at monitors and is going from experience (everyone’s
birthing experience is different after all).
If you had an epidural, or are planning on getting one, I
don’t judge you. It’s how you’ve
pictured your labor and delivery to go and that’s great. So please don’t judge me when I tell you I
want to give birth naturally. It’s my
personal decision. And if I do happen to
get an epidural, well I don’t know how many times I’ve been told no labor and
delivery goes exactly as planned, so again don’t judge me.
We all have decisions we must make in life. The key thing to remember about decisions
that others make, is as long as their decision is not seriously hurting them or
anyone else let them make it. We learn
from the decisions we make. Each of us
has a vision of how we want our life to turn out. It’s those decisions that will allow our life
to turn out the way we have envisioned it.
From being pregnant and doing many things out of the norm, I have
learned not to judge others for decisions they have made or are making in their
lives. I admit I’m a different kind of
pregnant woman, but my decisions make me happy.
They aren’t hurting anyone. Most
importantly they don’t go against God’s plan for His children. As Christ said, “Judge not, that ye be not
judged.”
